Question
I am the daughter of a Broken family girl. I am 12 years old. I grew up with my mother. We had no relationship with my father. I have never been able to trust any boy since he was born from an early age. When my mother is so humane, responsible people disrespectful, everything is actually possible. Thinking like this, I once noticed that I was afraid of the boys, I could not find a place of trust. Lately I have the potential to have a relationship. We love each other, but I have no courage to engage in one. Can I get out of it?
Answer
First of all, let's say the most important thing. Yes, you will surely be able to get out of this situation. The question that has arisen in your mind, 'Can I?' – This question is the first and most bold step in your journey. You understand the problem and seek the passage, this is half the solution.
It is important to understand why that is happening
As a kid, we unknowingly impose the first men in our life, that is, the father's character on all men. The irresponsibility of your father and his disrespect towards your mother have created a deep wound in your mind. Your subconscious mind is repeatedly telling you, 'All men are like that. No one is credible. ' This is not your fault, it is a self -defense strategy to create your situation. Your mind has made these walls to save you from possible suffering.
One of the reasons for the ideology
You have seen your mother as a human and responsible man. When such an ideal person gets hurt, it is believed that there is no reward for being good or responsible in the world, but it is hard to suffer. This thinking shakes the concept of trust and trust from the inside.
Think, how to break these walls
Now the main question is how to get out of the cycle of fear and disbelief. It won't be a day, it's a continuous process.
Recognize your feelings
First of all, accept that you are afraid. Don't blame yourself. Don't say, 'Maybe my problem.' Rather, say to yourself, 'Whatever happened to me, then it is normal to fear. Now I will learn to conquer this fear. '
The past isolated
You will consciously see your father as a 'person', not as a 'representative of all men'. There are billions of men on earth and each of them is different. It is the biggest obstacle to your current and future to blame all the men on the world for your father's mistake or to expect the same behavior from them.
Give a chance to the new relationship
The new man who arrived in your life may have the beginning of a new chapter for you. But there is no need to hurry. See the man on the basis of his own qualifications and behavior. Don't compare that with your father. See how he speaks, how he treats others, how much he protects the promise, how respectful he is. Give yourself enough time to recognize him.
Start with friendship
Do not stress yourself with big words like 'love' or 'committment' at the beginning of the relationship. Start the relationship as a beautiful friendship. Creating confidence in friendship is easy. When you start to believe him as a friend, it will be easier to have confidence as a lover. It is your full right to determine the speed of the relationship. If you think everything is moving very fast, tell him. A sensitive and right people must respect this situation.
Open but discussed at the right time
When you have some relief and confidence relationships, you can tell him about your fears and the past. It should not be heard as complaints when he is not in the complaint, 'I do not believe in men'. Rather, tell your own weaknesses and fears. For example: 'I am very scared to trust something new because of my family experience and takes a little longer. I want to overcome this fear and hope you'll give me this time. '
Then notice his response. It is very important to hear what your reaction is after listening to this sensitive thing. If he understands you, show sympathy and reassure you, then he will understand that he can be a trusted person.
Professional help
If you think this fear is very deep and cannot overcome your own efforts, you can get the help of a good councilor or therapist. It is not a sign of a weakness, but a cute and daring step in taking care of one's own mental health. A professional can help you to heal your past wounds and to achieve the mental strength needed to create a healthy new relationship.
End
You speak of your mother's humanity and responsibility. Remember, you are the child of that powerful mother. You have that power inside you too. Your father's wound is not your identity, your mother's power is your true identity. You deserve love and deserve a beautiful, confident relationship. Give yourself that opportunity. The new man may be the person who will change the world of your thoughts and show that there are people to trust on earth.
Look at one foot boldly, maybe a future is awesome for you. Good luck for you.
